Not long ago, a race car driver set a blindingly fast qualifying lap on a very difficult race track. He noticeably outclassed everyone that day. The announcers were in awe at how the driver pushed to the very edge of the limits of his and the car’s ability. As the driver was getting out of the car, a reporter asked him, “What does it feel like to drive the perfect lap?” Without hesitation, the driver said, “I don’t know. I’ll tell you when it happens.” This is why these guys are at the top of the field. They are NEVER content with what they have done because they know there is always a bit more to be done better the next time. That’s what makes them fast. What makes them champions is when they have learned to be at peace with their efforts on a day when third place is the best they can do at that moment. They can rest in the present reality without anxiety, but they are driven to do better the next time. What would it be like if people were that consumed with growing and improving themselves and their relationships and not distracted by anxiety?

Here in Orange County, we live in a land of “never enough.” There is the constant pursuit to keep up with the latest trends, fashions, interior design and the latest “must have” car. When I say, “Be peaceful, not content,” it’s not the material aspects of life that I have in mind. In my work as an Orange County psychologist, my challenge is to help people learn how to be peaceful with the relationships they have but to also never let themselves become content with the level of connection. Always desire more of a relationship with those you care about and never think that this is all that it could be.

I remember hearing a father, while reflecting on his journey as a parent with his then adult child, state that he was content with what he had done as a father. He had made mistakes but was content with the way things were now. If I ever utter such things about the relationships I have with my sons, I’ve given my wife permission to knock me upside the head. There is always more available and I never want to settle with what is when more may be possible.  When I bump into my own insecurity or anxiety about reaching form more in the relationship, my commitment is to deal with those roadblocks so that I keep growing in connection. The same goes for my marriage. As fun and exciting as it was in the beginning, after 20 years, it’s much more so after a lot of time and investment working on our relationship. And I’m not done yet.

When I was watching the Star Wars movie, The Phantom Menace, I was captivated by the scene shown in this blog photo (watch fight scene). In the midst of a fight to the death, the opponents are passing through force fields that open and close, separating them from each other at times. While the villain paces back and forth on one side of the force field, the hero kneels down and rests peacefully with his eyes closed.  No anxiety to be found there. There is a battle to come again, but he is at peace with the moment since nothing else is possible. He is at peace, but not content and battles again fiercely when he again has the chance.  In the same way, there are times and situations where there is no opportunity to push further in the relationship and being at peace in these moments is important.  But, are you ready and eager to jump into action again when given the chance of improving your relationships?

So where do you see room for growing in yourself and your relationships? What are you intentionally doing to provide the opportunity for something more? Most people don’t get to their death bed and wish they had a newer car or more money. In the end, the wish is usually for more time to be with the people that matter. They may be at peace, but the desire is for more of the good stuff with others. I challenge you to start now and never be content, even if you are at peace.  If you need help moving forward growing your relationships, a therapist in Orange County is a great way to make progress quickly and be challenged and supported as you make changes.  “May the force be with you” as you battle on for better relationship connections.

Not long ago, a race car driver set a blindingly fast qualifying lap on a very difficult race track. He noticeably outclassed everyone that day. The announcers were in awe at how the driver pushed to the very edge of the limits of his and the car’s ability. As the driver was getting out of the car, a reporter asked him, “What does it feel like to drive the perfect lap?” Without hesitation, the driver said, “I don’t know. I’ll tell you when it happens.” This is why these guys are at the top of the field. They are NEVER content with what they have done because they know there is always a bit more to be done better the next time. That’s what makes them fast. What makes them champions is when they have learned to be at peace with their efforts on a day when third place is the best they can do at that moment. They can rest in the present reality, but, they are driven to do better the next time. What would it be like if people were that consumed with growing and improving themselves and their relationships?

Here in Orange County, we live in a land of “never enough.” There is the constant pursuit to keep up with the latest trends, fashions, interior design and the latest “must have” car. When I say, “Be peaceful, not content,” it’s not the material aspects of life that I have in mind. In my work as an Orange County psychologist, my challenge is to help people learn how to be peaceful with the relationships they have but to also never let themselves become content with the level of connection. Always desire more of a relationship with those you care about and never think that this is all that it could be.

I remember hearing a father while reflecting on his journey as a parent with his then adult child, state that he was content with what he had done as a father. He had made mistakes but was content with the way things were now. If I ever utter such things about the relationships I have with my sons, I’ve given my wife permission to knock me upside the head. There is always more available and I never want to settle with what is when more may be possible. The same goes for my marriage. As fun and exciting as it was in the beginning, after nearly 20 years, it is much more so after a lot of time and investment working on our relationship. And I’m not done yet.

When I was watching the Star Wars movie, The Phantom Menace, I was captivated by the scene shown in this blog photo (watch fight scene). In the midst of a fight to the death, the opponents are passing through force fields that open and close, separating them from each other at times. While the villain paces back and forth on one side of the force field, the hero kneels down and rests peacefully with his eyes closed. There is a battle to come again, but he is at peace with the moment since nothing else is possible. He is at peace, but not content and battles again fiercely when he again has the chance.  In the same way, there are times and situations where there is no opportunity to push further in the relationship and being at peace in these moments is important.  But, are you ready and eager to jump into action again when given the chance of improving your relationships?

So where do you see room for growing in yourself and your relationships? What are you intentionally doing to provide the opportunity for something more? Most people don’t get to their death bed and wish they had a newer car or more money. In the end, the wish is usually for more time to be with the people that matter. They may be at peace, but the desire is for more of the good stuff with others. I challenge you to start now and never be content, even if you are at peace.  If you need help moving forward growing your relationships, a therapist in Orange County is a great way to make progress quickly and be challenged and supported as you make changes.  “May the force be with you” as you battle on for better relationship connections.